Well I’m not doing so well at the moment.

Well I’m not doing so well at the moment.

Still sober… well substance free…
My thoughts and stuff are a mess… going through a breakup at the moment.

As of Saturday I am staying in the town of South Attleboro with my buddy Paul
And his wife Wendy. He is always so awesome to me and treats me like a kid brother
His wife is nice enough and accommodating but it’s uncomfortable…
Despite their having a spare bedroom. One of my friends Jeff used to live with them for
Several months and I know there is apprehension that I will be there for a while.
I’d rather live alone and even though financially it will be very tight – I think I can manage.

I talked to the new landlord that bought and remodeled my old apartment building. There is a possibility that I could move back into my old apartment as early as this weekend, if I am willing to sign a years lease. I am very seriously considering it at this very moment.

I’m beginning to attend meetings again on the regular after letting them slide to nothing to occasional in the past few years. I haven’t talked to my sponsor in 3 or 4 months time. Well the one I had when I was in the North Attleboro/Attleboro/ Providence/Pawtucket meeting area. I did find a young guy that I liked in Halifax/Hanson/Pembroke area but I kinda lost touch and didn’t keep up. I’m making excuses but I just am struggling to feel connected and okay again. My girlfriend has a large family in the area and I haven’t felt comfortable sharing so openly about it since I don’t know many in meetings anyway and have even less of an idea who would know her or her family (there are 7 kids and several grandkids, nieces and nephews all within shouting distance of the town I was living)

My sister is going through cancer chemo treatment for breast cancer. Stage 2 – tumor is getting smaller and other than weakness and lowe white blood cell counts occasionally it has been going very well. She is such a powerful inspiration and so spiritually sound thati know she will get through this. It’s just difficult because she was a best friend not just a sibling growing up. She now lives in Indianapolis and I cant afford to visit as much as I would like to do.

The rest of my family lives in Georgia and I think we all see the need to stay connected and supportive lately…yet my selfish thought is they never come see me…despite my disease (alcoholic addiction/depression…etc) MY 3 siblings and their families have only visited once – for my wedding. I have lived here 16 years in March…

I don’t even know what I want out of life, love, friends or family. MY job is solid but not very challenging and I think of switching careers, cities, locations as an option if the market ever turns around again.

That’s where I am at. I’m reading a book called the Recovery Devotional bible today – trying to be inspired and merge the faith of my youth with the program I came to love…
Recommitting myself to changing for the better…

That’s where I am today. Many online friends. Supportive family. Hard to reach out in person and feeling like I am turtle shelling and keeping a lot to myself that is dying to come out… and when I reach out its desperate and clingy and comes out all sideways…
Ruining relationships, destroying families and just generally I’M A MESS.