Well I’m not doing so well at the moment.

Well I’m not doing so well at the moment.

Still sober… well substance free…
My thoughts and stuff are a mess… going through a breakup at the moment.

As of Saturday I am staying in the town of South Attleboro with my buddy Paul
And his wife Wendy. He is always so awesome to me and treats me like a kid brother
His wife is nice enough and accommodating but it’s uncomfortable…
Despite their having a spare bedroom. One of my friends Jeff used to live with them for
Several months and I know there is apprehension that I will be there for a while.
I’d rather live alone and even though financially it will be very tight – I think I can manage.

I talked to the new landlord that bought and remodeled my old apartment building. There is a possibility that I could move back into my old apartment as early as this weekend, if I am willing to sign a years lease. I am very seriously considering it at this very moment.

I’m beginning to attend meetings again on the regular after letting them slide to nothing to occasional in the past few years. I haven’t talked to my sponsor in 3 or 4 months time. Well the one I had when I was in the North Attleboro/Attleboro/ Providence/Pawtucket meeting area. I did find a young guy that I liked in Halifax/Hanson/Pembroke area but I kinda lost touch and didn’t keep up. I’m making excuses but I just am struggling to feel connected and okay again. My girlfriend has a large family in the area and I haven’t felt comfortable sharing so openly about it since I don’t know many in meetings anyway and have even less of an idea who would know her or her family (there are 7 kids and several grandkids, nieces and nephews all within shouting distance of the town I was living)

My sister is going through cancer chemo treatment for breast cancer. Stage 2 – tumor is getting smaller and other than weakness and lowe white blood cell counts occasionally it has been going very well. She is such a powerful inspiration and so spiritually sound thati know she will get through this. It’s just difficult because she was a best friend not just a sibling growing up. She now lives in Indianapolis and I cant afford to visit as much as I would like to do.

The rest of my family lives in Georgia and I think we all see the need to stay connected and supportive lately…yet my selfish thought is they never come see me…despite my disease (alcoholic addiction/depression…etc) MY 3 siblings and their families have only visited once – for my wedding. I have lived here 16 years in March…

I don’t even know what I want out of life, love, friends or family. MY job is solid but not very challenging and I think of switching careers, cities, locations as an option if the market ever turns around again.

That’s where I am at. I’m reading a book called the Recovery Devotional bible today – trying to be inspired and merge the faith of my youth with the program I came to love…
Recommitting myself to changing for the better…

That’s where I am today. Many online friends. Supportive family. Hard to reach out in person and feeling like I am turtle shelling and keeping a lot to myself that is dying to come out… and when I reach out its desperate and clingy and comes out all sideways…
Ruining relationships, destroying families and just generally I’M A MESS.

I Won’t Let Go

Rascal Flatts – I Won’t Let Go

It's like a storm
That cuts a path
It's breaks your will
It feels like that

You think your lost
But your not lost on your own
Your not alone

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
If you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold
you tight
And I wont let go

It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it's dark
This part of life
Oh it finds us all
And we're too small
To stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
And you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight

And I wont let you fall
Don't be afraid to fall
I'm right here to catch you
I wont let you down
It wont get you down
Your gonna make it
Yea I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
And you can't cope
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I wont let go
Oh I'm gonna hold you
And I wont let go
Wont let you go
No I wont

Endless Possibilities

ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES

FoB

Is sobriety all that we are to expect of a spiritual awakening? Again, the voice of AA speaks up. No, sobriety is only a bare beginning, it is only the first gift of the first awakening. If more gifts are to be received, our awakening has to go on. And if it does go on, we find that bit by bit we can discard the old life - the one that did not work - for a new life that can and does work under any conditions whatever. Regardless of worldly success or failure, regardless of pain or joy, regardless of sickness or health or even of death itself, a new life of endless possibilities can be lived if we are willing to continue our awakening.

Bill W.
AA Grapevine, December 1957, “The Greatest Gift of All”
© 1988, AA Grapevine, Inc., The Language of the Heart, page 234