and if love remains...

My friend Brad Z. mentioned Rush playing in concert
and last night this song came to mind…
one of my favorites by them lyrically…

“and if love remains..” great lyric…enjoy : )

"Bravado" Rush

If we burn our wings
Flying too close to the sun
If the moment of glory
Is over before it's begun
If the dream is won
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost

When the dust has cleared
And victory denied
A summit too lofty
River a little too wide
If we keep our pride
Though paradise is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost

And if the music stops
There's only the sound of the rain
All the hope and glory
All the sacrifice in vain
(And) If love remains
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost

on love and integrity

If I do not love myself enough to live in my own integrity,
if I do not have self- value and self- worth, loving other people is going to be difficult. I may need or want them and end up in a Needs exchange, which is codependant and will not last or work

16 years tomorrow

Sept 2, 1994 --- Good Ole Days , Sandy Springs, Georgia,
watching Ga. Tech vs Arizona football ... huge fight with girl i was with...
walked out with half a glass of beer left on the table...its the only beer i can remember not finishing... 16 years later substance free, sober and still somewhat insane :)

she dropped me off at my apartment in north springs section...
didnt say a word to me on the drive home...turned up the radio so we didnt have to talk...

"in your eyes" by Peter gabriel...figures...

i walked in and started crying in the kitchen...couldnt speak i never felt so alone.
the next morning and most of the afternoon i sat listening to music..
knife in my hand... couldnt take it...

my dad called to ask if i paid my car insurance or something like that.. i forget details...but i know ... i hadnt.
he said you dont sound good you ok...ya dad...just alot on my mind...
i couldnt even talk to my father.

i cut my arm. just a scratch...but that was it...what was i doing?
i called my roomie and said get her quick... i called my doc...
therapist i had seen off and on for a few years...
thankfully he was on the board at Charter Peachford...
i was 3 months from being 23 and off my dads cobra insurance..
i think something in my mind said it was get help now or not at all.

i dont know where that voice came from but i'm glad it was with me that day.

my roomie cut jokes as we drove ...and helped remind me to keep my sense of humor.
Derek, Thank you... i owe you my life in so many ways.

thank you for everyone that's helped me along in 16 years.