Southern Cross and 17 Years

on Saturday I will be celebrating 17 years clean and sober, God willing. Today a friends status made me think of a song that helped me through tough times in my life. Enjoy :)

Southern Cross - CSN

Got out of town on a boat
Goin' to Southern islands.
Sailing a reach
Before a followin' sea.
She was makin' for the trades
On the outside,
And the downhill run
To Papeete.
Off the wind on this heading
Lie the Marquesas.
We got eighty feet of the waterline.
Nicely making way.
In a noisy bar in Avalon
I tried to call you.
But on a midnight watch I realized
Why twice you ran away.
Chorus
Think about how many times
I have fallen
Spirits are using me
larger voices callin'.
What heaven brought you and me
Cannot be forgotten.
I have been around the world,
Lookin' for that woman/girl,
Who knows love can endure.
And you know it will.
And you know it will.
When you see the Southern Cross
For the first time
You understand now
Why you came this way
'Cause the truth you might be runnin' from
Is so small.
But it's as big as the promise
The promise of a comin' day.
So I'm sailing for tomorrow
My dreams are a dyin'.
And my love is an anchor tied to you
Tied with a silver chain.
I have my ship
And all her flags are a flyin'
She is all that I have left
And music is her name.
Chorus
Think about how many times
I have fallen
Spirits are using me
larger voices callin'.
What heaven brought you and me
Cannot be forgotten.
I have been around the world,
Lookin' for that woma/girl,
Who knows love can endure.
And you know it will.
And you know it will.
So we cheated and we lied
And we tested
And we never failed to fail
It was the easiest thing to do.
You will survive being bested.
Somebody fine
Will come along
Make me forget about loving you.
At the Southern Cross.

Hope

Hope

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

~ Emily Dickinson

saw lines of this poem on a friends page today and immediately I went searching for the completely poem. Love it. One of my favorites that I have not seen in a while…today it returned into my life like an old friend…

as I have economic fears with what could be a job strike starting Sunday it was just the perfect thing as I am transitioning in so many aspects of my life and trying not to feel a sense of chaos and overwhelming fear… what we all need is FAITH the opposite side of the coin…turn over fear and you find faith… place it on the table. Fear is there…but hidden. Out of site and always within reach if we turn it over and see it again…so we constantly turn the coin over… returning to faith…and HOPE..

remaining positive about the present conditions and the opportunity for growth and change in the future….. having HOPE today.

My Chance to Live

My Chance to Live

When I am willing to do the right thing, I am rewarded with an inner peace no amount of liquor could ever provide. When I am unwilling to do the right thing, I become restless, irritable, and discontent. It is always my choice. Through the Twelve Steps, I have been granted the gift of choice. I am no longer at the mercy of a disease that tells me the only answer is to drink. If willingness is the key that unlocks the gates of hell, it is action that opens those doors so that we may walk freely among the living.



Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, “My Chance To Live,” page 317

my thoughts:

I must remember that the key is willingness...and that must be followed by action. inaction and apathy will lead me back to fear , unwillingnes to change or face life on lifes terms. only through taking right actions, however difficult...will my choices become more clear and plentiful.

i need you to remind me

Remind me when I think I know whats best for people...
to keep it to myself.
Remind me to not trust a soul.
Remind me that i'm better off alone.

Remind me that when I think I can help someone...
that i might be able to..
but at the detriment of my own well being and sanity

Remind me....constantly because i forget...so easily

Saving Troubled Souls

Saving Troubled Souls
Saving troubled souls and wounded spirits
Hoping to rehabilitate, cohabitate and take flight once again

Those with sanity need not read on
Medicated, intoxicated, but not yet graduated
Study this

My pockets full of gold
but it’s all a game
I’ll lie about my wealth
Tell you I’m in good health

But soon enough you’ll come to know
That pocket full of gold
It’s just A memory
Of another lie once told

A ring of circumstance
Once was golden
That now seems unclear
A hinderance now molded

But what the hell
Go ahead take a shot
The guns half-cocked
But I am not

Stone cold sober
But far from sane
Can’t believe I’m
Seeking Troubled Souls again

A chance encounter
A passing glance is met
Time to wager everything
Then hedge the bet
Go for broke then take it back
Same old story
Sometimes wish life gave more slack

Because once you go
There’s no turning back

Basket Case

going through old poems I have saved here at work. I tend to just type lines up or try to put a few lines together during down times. and i have alot of poems and cuplets saved... this one i even put a note on saying "didnt come out as well as i wanted" ... but now that i look at it again... looks pretty good as is.

BASKET CASE

I’m so sorry I wrote you into the scene
But I can’t help wondering how good it could be

To hold you close to my heart and in my arms
I know you’ve been hurt and I mean no harm

For we all have to stumble til we find whats worth fighting for
If I’ve been too forward or bold , show me the door

And I will go willingly but will stop to say once more
That there is something so special about who you are my friend

And how you make me feel inside is something I don’t ever want to lose
Not just the feeling I have…but you… the person who warms my heart

Powerless over other people

this was my AA email for the day, but felt it fits here as well..

In a way, I had hit another bottom, an emotional, spiritual one this time. I remember every bit of it, and it was rough. I wouldn’t recommend my way to anyone, but finally one night, alone and lost, eaten up with old jealousies, old fears, I was fighting to hang on to the one thing I had, my sobriety. I was near an old panic that many of us know about. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t let myself take a drink, but I had to find a way to overcome the battle inside, to quiet the tensions. Then this happened: I knew I had to admit I was powerless over other people. I had to admit this just as, in order to keep sober, I had to admit I was powerless over alcohol.




I cannot make anyone love me, or even like me.




Oh, I still have some of my active drunk’s talent to create a scene and twist a conversation so someone may be forced into saying what I want to hear, but I have no power to make anyone feel anything. All I can do is work to make myself worthy of love.




As these thoughts came to me – and they came almost in the words I’ve written out here – I felt a great relief. It was Armistice Day - after all these years.




AA Grapevine, January 1961, “People Are Like People”


© 1986, AA Grapevine, Inc., The Best of the Grapevine [volume 2], pages 104-1